SOCIETAL PRESSURES.


This is Africa and if anything is a constant from north to south, east to west Africa is the pressure on a woman to get married at a certain age. 

If you don’t? You’re seen as a “failure” no matter what you achieve outside of marriage. Not just that though, any success she accrue is seen as a direct hand down from a sugar daddy. 

The perception that a woman can be smart and successful is lost in our society and everything she owns or achieves is consequently seen as a gift of her having a Virginia or a sexy body.

If eventually she gets married? People starts talking about her having children. Sometimes even the husband pressures her for not getting pregnant (meanwhile sometimes that man may be the infertile partner). It is just believed generally that immediately a woman gets married the next thing is to start bearing children.

My colleague and I were joking around on our way to work. When a matter of another colleague who had just put to bed came up. Next thing he said is we are coming to your house next for a naming. Then I said Amen. Next thing he said was, it’s not a matter of amen, I give you till next year to invite us for your child’s naming ceremony. I was taken aback and spat out. What!

He looked at me, surprised that I was shocked then said well you’ve been married for a few months now don’t you think its time to have children. Is that not the reason for marriage? It took me a few moments to put myself together and reply (now really angry). 

Me: Nope, child bearing is not the reason for getting married. Companionship is. What are they teaching you in those churches you people attend?

Colleague: ehehn, is it not compaionship that leads to pregnancy?

Me: Nope, sex leads to pregnancy

Colleague: well, me I know one of the reasons for marriage is to have children.

Now completely irritated I responded.

marriage is for companionship not child bearing. Children however, are blessings of marriage. Besides I don’t need to be married to have children. But mostly marriage gives you a stable relationship, a promise that someone will have your back through good and bad times. But these days even a vow of marriage may not be good enough to have a partner through the thin, ill and even poverty of life.

At the end of the day, you’ve sometimes got to get your own back. So stop watching my womb you womb watcher and mind your goddamn business. 

I hissed, facing away from him I was still spewing anger on my face. My body reverberated and the chilly wind hit my face sending chills down my spine. 


This is me hugging myself not sure if its from the cool breeze or anger I still felt from my guts….

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TRUTH


It’s a bright Friday morning. The clear skies brings to my consciousness what transparency looks like. 

It’s beautiful.

We are familiar with the sentence don’t lie to me; just tell me the truth. However, unready we are to hear that truth…

I remember discovering something about someone and didn’t know how to tell the affected party who was my friend that she’s being lied to. Eventually I told her what I had found out, but it cost me my friend.


Most times truth comes at a cost. What I’ve discovered however is that it doesn’t have to be bitter every time we say it.

Knowing the painful power of truth, it is important that when we decide to speak it, it should be with empathy, love and care for the person we speak to.

Jesus is one person known to have spoken the truth at all times. While he hurt the egos of most Pharisees. He was able to speak truth with compassion and love to the Samaritan woman at the well. 

He spoke so kindly that she felt the power of is words and was drawn to it to the point that she went about spreading the news of Jesus’ presence in her village.

Let’s also recall Jesus conversation with the apostles during the last super. Though he informed, Peter will betray him, he also told all, that he as prayed for him. He didn’t go attacking Peter with the truth about his weakness. He spoke to him out of a place of pity and understanding of his human weakness.

All that being said, we have an example in Christ. The truth does not change even when we use a little love in dishing it out.

SO I GOT MARRIED

Yass! It’s being a while I wrote a full article or blog post or anything more than figures. I have being away budgeting and planning my wedding and it was everything I dreamed of and more.

 

Initially, I was advocating for a small private ceremony (mainly because the cost of a big wedding scared me). Then we started planning and gradually realized we could not have a “secret” wedding. We wanted our wedding to be memorable and fun.

 

Deciding on the wedding date was tricky; my husband wants us to marry before his birthday, and because i’m a catholic we can’t have our wedding during lent. Eventually we settled for the Last Saturday in April. We had already picked the date and started preparation before we realized that movement will be restricted from my husband’s side of the state on the day of our church wedding Sigh.

 

Our one day ceremony quickly became a two day event. The Friday preceding the wedding would be for the traditional rites. While Saturday would be dedicated to exchange of vows in the church and reception party.

 

Well, Friday April 28th came. The morning was beautiful, with my mother cutting her Sixtieth birthday cake and sharing the joy with church members after thanksgiving mass. My husband getting baptized and taking the name of Saint Joseph (grin). While no one can really tell if his Joseph is that of Mary’s husband (the popular choice because my baptismal name is Mary). I choose to believe he is both Joseph the dreamer and Joseph the husband of Mary.

 

The morning passed quickly, as I find myself sorting hotel bookings for my friends and getting settled for makeup.

 

Makeup? Check

Outfit? Check

Friends? Check

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My Mother and I before stepping out for the ceremony
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Still getting ready

It’s time for my traditional wedding. I stepped out with a big smile one that lasted through the whole ceremony. I noticed he had a fine smile too…

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Bride and groom smiling

 

 

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Showing off my first ring

 

 

Night time was spent quietly with my girlfriends. My last sleep in with girl friends as a single girl. It was extraordinary!

 

Saturday morning, I peeped through my hotel. It was a sunny morning and I was really grateful. Weather can be unpredictable during the raining season and the last thing I want is a wet and cold day (it always dampens my spirit).

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My cousin and maid of honor, My beautiful God daughter and yours truly

 Mass was slated for 11am because of the restriction in movement. By 10.30am I was in church ready to be walked down the aisle by eleven. We exchanged our vows, received rings, shared a kiss a thanksgiving later and mass was over. But just before then I was inducted into the women’s society CWO (Catholic Women Organization).

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We took a few pictures in church with family and friends then headed to the reception venue for a delicious party.

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In short it was a beautiful sunny day. Filled with laughter and plenty love, shared with people I care about. It was all I imagined and more…

                  

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary. 

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi-million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed. 

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.

On the 2nd day she had movers come and collect her things.

On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

 When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days.

 Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

 Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even replaced the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairman refused to work in the house. The Maid quit.

 Finally they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

 A month later even though they had cut their price in half they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

 The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

 Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

 A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.

Including the curtain rods….

What is Valentine’s day?

imagesNot to rain mess on your parade, but let’s face it. Somebody gave his life for another like hundred years ago. As in he died for a cause. So forgive me if I don’t really think we should honour his memory of a horrifying death by having random sex and buying things we cannot afford just to impress someone we don’t really care about (not in all cases though).

On my way to work this morning I can’t help but notice all the “red” in the air and I wonder. Is this a blood sign or love sign now. Many jokes have being circulating social media about how today is expensive for the masculine gender. How guys should call for boycott or how the female gender should be ready to pay back tonight.

I mean this sounds crazy. I’m in a loving relationship but still don’t believe in celebrating Saint Valentine this way. If you truly love your partner shouldn’t everyday be a new chance at celebrating your love life? is the sacrifice you make for each other. The just because gifts or thoughts you have towards each other not a sign of true love?

It becomes more annoying when children are told to wear red and white to school on this day. Please enlighten me. Do teachers gather the children round today telling them the story of a virtuous priest who gave his life for a couple? What is a red and white dress supposed to mean to a young girl? aren’t we propagating a culture of vanity and reducing love to a gift box?

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Oh well what do I know? but if you ask me, I’d say love is an everyday event, if you find it cherish it. If you are still searching keep your heart open and never give up. But really there is no greater love than that of Christ exemplified again and through history the story of TRUE lovers like Saint Valentine who will give up his own life for someone else’s happiness. So before you jump into bed with that person ask yourself what Valentine is really about…