Sigh, I can’t over emphasis my love for writing. Chit chatting with my hands always makes me feel fulfilled somehow its being a struggle recently to even pick my pen up.
I started multiple posts during the holiday but barely completed one. While I have so many ideas of where I want to go and how many posts I’d really like to publish weekly, its being a struggle to keep up with my dreamz.
I thought to myself, haven’t I hit rock bottom already? Must I reach rock bottom before I can be fired up to live full and die empty? Why am I complacent (there’s still a lot I desire that i have not achieved).Last night I was looking for some motivation to write when I saw a video on YouTube. An interview with Lisa khols. I was moved to tears, I felt her hunger and drive and was surprised she’s been able achieve so much from nothing but drive and hunger.
By this morning I realise one bitter truth, “SETTLEMENT ” I remind my conscious self of the many times I’ve being told /made to settle in life. The many times I’ve worked hard for something and for no fault of mine or for external factors I’ve been told to settle for something else even though it was recognised that I’ve given more than enough to earn better.As the night crept by slowly I tossed and turned asking myself this question. WHY AM I SO COMFORTABLE WITH LITTLE?.
Now the settlement mentality is haunting my present. I am refusing to be hungry for more, because deep down I fear I may only work for it, pay for it but never earn it for whatever reason. I’m afraid to demand more from life because I now accept that the only thing I can get is what is given but since I’m not your regular “lucky” lady then I won’t be earning nothing soon.
This is the rude shock that rocked my world this morning. As I write, I do so with my head bowed in shame, knowing my life would have been different from what it is if only I can believe that when I put in the work I would get the desired result or even better.
Fortunately, this shame and sadness inspired me to write this morning. I realise many people from my kind of socio-economic baground struggle with a similar thing.
We are okay, as long as we can scrape the littlest from the ground. Most of us barely surviving to live.
Because we have come to accept that it’s only in America a nobody can become somebody. Our society is riddled and torn apart by nepotism and unfairness. Hard work is not awarded making mediocrity the order of the day.
But in all, I really write this post not for the struggle that fills it, but for the awakenings of all who read through.
Our society may be anything but supportive of innovations and bright minds. It may be riddled with holes of praise for what is wrong and refusal to recognise hard work. But at the end of the day, we are here, right now in this generation at this point in human history for a reason.
If it’s all perfect and there are no huddles to be crossed would we have a colourful story to tell?
This morning I encourage myself and you reading this (i will personalize for your sake).
Bukunmi (put your name) from this day on I will embrace my struggle(s). I will do whatever its going to take me to fight back any negative conscious and subconscious believe that i now consider facts against living the life I was born to live. I will lead a healthy, productive and positive life everyday that remains. I refuse to live in the regret(s) of my past, I promise to enjoy and be present in every moment. I decide today to look forward to the future like a small child, knowing everything and anything is possible if I put in the work and trust God to guide me through.